Before we start this episode, it may contain conversations that may be triggering for some listeners. It is a special episode for baby loss awareness week. This episode’s guest is Rachel Allen. Rachel Allen is a business coach, accountant and runs a manufacturing business. She lives in Norfolk with her husband and two children, Rachel shares her story of when her firstborn baby girl was stillborn, how she started to view life differently. Then went on to have her two rainbow children. Before you start this episode, it may contain conversations that may be triggering for some listeners. It is a special episode sharing hope for baby loss awareness week.
“ I honestly thought I was gonna get broken by this and if anyone’s a classic setup for postnatal depression, that’s me, but actually, I really surprised myself with how compassionate I was with myself and my husband, and he was with me. And we got through it. And if I look back on my life and say, What is the proudest thing you’ve done, other than my children, it was getting through that period in my life, and it completely rebooted, how I think about so many things”
“It was only when people got pregnant around me afterward. Nobody can really bear to burst that pregnancy bubble for people. And actually, do you know what? If you’re lucky enough to have a completely smooth baby pregnancy and a baby at the end? Why should you have your bubble burst? Why not enjoy your pregnancy. And so that’s why when I talk about it, I don’t talk about it specifically to someone who’s pregnant, you know, I’m not going to burst their bubble. But I do feel that we need to talk about it, because it’s something that people don’t think about.”
“It’s like when you have a miscarriage, you suddenly find all these people have had miscarriages. Yeah. And why don’t we talk about it? Because it’s not something embarrassing and scary. It’s just horrible. And I think that’s probably what it is. It’s so horrible. And even now Amy would have been 16 this year. And even now, if I say to people, I lost a baby they don’t know what to say to me. Yeah, they don’t know what to do.”
“A dear friend of mine, she lost her son much, much older. He was in his early 20s, I think. But she said to me, I’m just having a Richard day today. And I thought, What a lovely description. It was just Today’s a day where I’m not coping. Yeah. And you’re allowed to have those. And, you know, I’m lucky I don’t tend to have Amy days, but I’ll have an Amy moment. Yeah. And that’s totally allowed. And I think the biggest learning I had through this whole experience was Be gentle with yourself. Yeah, it was just the best advice that anyone gave to me.”
“I was a very typical female thinking I didn’t look right, you know, I’m a little bit short, and I’m extremely curvy. And I didn’t embrace that at all. But afterward, I just kept looking at this body going, this body grew without me doing anything, grew a person. And the one thing I was proud of was that I was still in awe of my body, even though it didn’t quite make it to the end”
“I was just in such awe of my body. And it really did help me to get this newfound respect for it. Yeah, I guess it’s one of those things that when you have something traumatic and horrible happens to you, you can still stay positive, even though something horrific. And it surprised me how positive I stayed throughout the whole thing. “
“I then took that as an honour as her mother. That’s all I had left to give it felt like that’s what I gave to her. And I think you know, having had that experience having had her it’s completely shaped my life. You know I am the mother of three children and I love them all. “
“One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from it is the ability to look for the silver lining. And I have a little phrase now, which is you can choose the silver lining. And it doesn’t mean that you chose the cloud. Because clouds come all the time, things happen. And people feel guilty about choosing the silver lining and celebrating it and going with it. And yet, it feels like they’ve chosen the cloud. And I’m very adamant that no, choosing the silver lining, it’s actually just a way of coping and of moving forward. And of being positive and proactive in your life. We don’t get any say in the clouds, the clouds happen. In this case, I lost my child. “
I was like, right, okay, so I need to do yoga in the morning. So I was getting up 20 minutes earlier, so I could do the yoga, and I need to do this bath. So I’d go to bed later because I’ve had a bath. And they were just things on my to-do list that if I fitted them in, I didn’t enjoy them because I was trying to slot them in around everything else. So I think you’re right boundaries are self-care”
“Be gentle with yourself is the biggest one because I’ve discovered recently that working for myself is actually a really bad thing. Because I’m a terrible taskmaster to myself, I expect things from me that I do now not expect from my staff”
Get Rich Lucky Bitch by Denise Duffield Thomas https://amzn.to/2X0dnHY
Podcast – Unlocking us with Brene Brown https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/unlocking-us-with-bren%C3%A9-brown/id1494350511
Rachel is a business coach, qualified accountant, and business owner herself and she is on a mission to help female entrepreneurs to understand and speak the language of money fluently. Her unique combination of coaching, teaching, and mentoring will help you to get on top of your accounts, to address those mind monkeys that can really hold you back and prepare you to grow your business up to and way beyond the VAT threshold.
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ABOUT THE HOST
Emma Last is a qualified Mental Health and Wellbeing Trainer and Coach. She has co-written both the First Aid Industry body’s accredited First Aid for Mental Health and Wellbeing training for Adults in the workplace and those working with children.
Emma also has over 20-years, experience in leading teams and developing strategies for change. She worked in senior leadership for a large corporate until early 2018, when she came to a turning point in her career due to being on the brink of burnout and wanted to gain more of a balance in her life. She then rebooted her life and founded her company Progressive Minds.
Emma also works with workplaces and schools on their Mental Health and Wellbeing strategies and provides training and coaching to support employees through challenging and changing times. Emma also works with individuals to help them to perform at their best by working on their mental fitness, which incorporates stress/burnout prevention and resilience and agility development through her Human Reboot Movement Coaching Programme. Her clients say they have become more mentally fit, happier and gain the results they want in their lives.
Her Human Reboot podcast achieved number 22 in the Mental Health category in Mental Health Awareness week. She is a #1 best selling author on Amazon
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