Is your work your identity?
It can be a very dangerous place to be in and right now when many of have restrictions on our lives due to COVID this maybe being exasperated.
Picture this:
- Looking back I was pretty damn amazing at my job
- I loved being given the broken parts of the business to fix time after time
- The cultures I shifted to support our mission were numerous!
- I didn’t take proper lunch breaks
- I thought about my job as soon as I woke up, often did work at ridiculous hours of the morning, just to stay at the top of my game
- I was always pushing forward towards the next career step
- My realisation started following a restructure
When I sat in a board meeting and The MD at the time said ‘ we need to get more passion in our people, how are you going to do it?’I sat there thinking ‘’But you want people to be bloody robotic, you want them to have less relationships with clients – Why the hell am I even here?’. I was amongst her newly orchestrated team who quite frankly wouldn’t have known passion if it had smacked them in the face. The room felt sterile.
Passion and drive for me in my career had never been a problem . I loved my job , I loved the people I worked with . We were a team we were on a mission . However since this MD had moved over from another brand within the company I had questioned the identity of our brand. I. questioned how we lived our values.
My frustration, unhappiness and disbelief in the MD and the rest of the leadership team grew deeper, until I just didn’t feel fulfilled in my work any more and I was so unhappy. I was 1 of 2 to have kept a job, the rest of the previous leadership team had been cleared out or demoted. I was the lucky one, but boy I didn’t feel lucky. I knew I didn’t fit in any more, yet I was so loyal there was part of me that didn’t want to leave. I was so committed to the brand, but I was being eaten up with negativity. The culture had become unhealthy for me . I had to move closer to my route out of there. It’s a long story and it took me 6 months but that time left me even more confused about my feelings about who I was.
Very soon after I left, I just curled up and slept. The one that had been so used to springing out of bed at 5.45am couldn’t lift her head off the pillow. I was completely burnt out and I had no clue who I was any more everything had been about work and my children and I didn’t know who I was any more. I knew I’d lost a huge part of my purpose by moving on, but the erosion over the years on my personal identity had been massive and I just hadn’t realised it . It affected my mental health and my overall strength.
It’s really important for leaders of their own businesses or in the corporate world to really consider whether they may be losing their identity to their work. This to make sure that their balance is healthy, so they don’t completely lose their identity in their work.
So what can you do to make sure you keep your personal identity ?
Be honest with yourself
- How much do you think about your job when you’re not supposed to be working?
- Do you find it difficult to enjoy conversations or time outside of work?
- When you describe yourself does it involve your work?
- Where do you spend most of your time?
- Do your family or friends think you should work less?
- Do you have any hobbies or time for you outside of your work?
- How would you feel if you could no longer continue in your job ?
- Does it upset you to think about it ?
- Ask yourself are your answers really healthy ?
Does your life fit your values?
- What is truly the most important thing to you?
- Are you spending the time to you want in the areas in your life that are most important to you, such as relationships, family etc?
- What are your values?
- What do you stand for and against ?
- Is the life you’re living allowing you to live the life you really want to . Take a look at my free self evaluation – living life on your terms
Acknowledge you want to make a change
If you have found that some of your answers to the above appear to be unhealthy or don’t fit with what you want, then you should at least try to make a change to your life’s balance. By doing this you will start to make steps towards building on your personal identity.
Make time to find what lights you up
Whether it’s a little time each day or a larger block of time in the week, think back to what hobbies have lit you up in your life . You might even have to go right back to your child hood . I remembered I loved playing tennis and being outdoors. One of the first things I did was block out time in my diary on a Tuesday morning for tennis and for a short walk each day. No matter how small, you need some time for you to explore and learn what lights you up. Try something new, it doesn’t have to be big , but just exploring is fun in itself.
When making time for you, you may need to ask for some help to make it happen. Could you be asking for help from your partner, older children, outsourcing, delegating or even getting a cleaner to help free up some time for you. You may need support to make it happen.
Connect with others
My connections over the years had ended up being work colleagues – but were they truly my people? Really think about what types of relationships you have in your life right now and where you may want to give some attention . Have you had no time for your family, parents, friends . Drop them a text, give them a call, jump on a zoom or meet for a coffee when we can .Just chatting and having a few close friends is a great place to start.
Once you’ve done this, you can start to build a wider and more diverse network of support around you . It has sparked my love of writing and areas of personal growth, such as being both an ambassador for mental health and an Ally for equality. I have found some great friends all over the country and online communities – places I can learn and self develop such as Lisa Barry, Jenny Gordon Vicki jakes , Chikere , Becky Holmes
- I had to reboot
- I had to build myself back up again
- It took work ..
- Finding my identity again was the best thing I ever did!
- I now lead myself first!
- Then I show others like me how to do the same through my human reboot programme
- I help leaders and business owners to find life balance so their identity is their own
- I also help support organisations to create healthy workplace cultures were individuals with identity and diversity can thrive
- So if you want to know more you can find more details at .www.Thehumanrebootmovement.com
Remember YOU are your identity – your job doesn’t define you !
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